Toughing It Up

Oh, look! It's Cousin It!
Mama lost her shit

Kids, being sick on and off for three weeks, have me exhausted. Drained. Weak from hunger and dehydration as I neglect myself, and emotional.

I had all six this past weekend and was so happy to have them, but the sheer exhaustion and stress was almost too much for me.

I ended Sunday evening naked, screaming and crying in front of the bathroom mirror, while attempting to brush my hair out as days of neglect had tangled my two and a half foot long hair into a ratted mess that I was ripping through with my brush. In a fit of pure rage and a mad rush to get this OFF OF ME, I bundled a towel around me and ran into my bedroom. Snatching up the scissors, I dashed back to the bathroom, discarded the towel on the floor and flipped my hair over. Chopping through my hair ferociously, tears streaming upside down and into my hair line, I watched it fall to the tile floor.
A brief moment of fear and a thought, “what have I done?!” flitted through my mind. Then I took a breath, placed the scissors on the counter, and stood up straight. I glanced briefly into the mirror, then climbed into the tub of hot water and soaked and scrubbed and washed it all away.
Not until I got out and looked did a smile go across my face. No, it doesn’t look great, but the pure relief of that burden, both emotional and physical, finally lifting off and giving me a chance to BREATH…that was unforgettable.

And though we are still all sick (I with a fever and chills and a nasal infection) made into town. To work and to school. To daycare.
Holding on until three, when I can finally leave, is what I am just holding on to. The thought of a messy home, diapers to change, a meal to make, crying children, fever and chills and doing it all alone makes me shudder. But at least I will be home.


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